Posts Tagged ‘A Christmas Story’

Postal – An Acquired Taste (Or Lack Thereof)

Posted 28 Mar 2011 — by Ezra Stead
Category Film Reviews, Movies I Got

By Ezra Stead

Postal is an unexpectedly brilliant film. Postal, USA / Canada / Germany, 2007

Directed by Uwe Boll

If you’ve never heard of German director Uwe Boll, that most likely means you’ve just avoided some really bad movies. The only other one of his films I’ve seen so far was 2005’s Alone in the Dark, a truly terrible film at least as bad as any I’ve previously deemed the worst of the decade, but by all accounts I’ve heard, his other previous films – including House of the Dead (2003), Bloodrayne (2005) and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007) – are also among the worst ever made. He is famous for his execrable video game adaptations (see all of the above) and for financing them through a loophole in German tax law that rewards filmmakers; the law has since been changed, presumably to make it more difficult for Boll to make movies. So it was with the gleeful fascination of a movie so bad it’s funny (i.e. Troll 2 or The Room) that I approached his post-911 comedy Postal. Three days and four viewings of the film later, my mind was blown.

This movie is brilliant! Read More

The Goonies – Much Worse Than You Remember

Posted 14 Mar 2011 — by Ezra Stead
Category Essay, Film Reviews, Movies I Didn't Get

By Ezra Stead

The Goonies, USA, 1985

Directed by Richard Donner

The Goonies might be the most overrated film of the 1980s.

You know what I love about the ’80s? Public Enemy, NWA, Prince, Guns N’ Roses, and the fact that The Toxic Avenger (1984), an unrated film that shows a kid’s head getting smashed by a car in graphic, bloody close-up within the first thirty minutes, was inexplicably made into a children’s cartoon on broadcast television.

You know what I hate about the ’80s? Reaganomics, Reagan, Bush, and now that I’ve pretty much got you all on my side, let me do a 180 and say that I hate The Goonies (1985).

Okay, so you’re probably yelling at your computer screen now, but I defy any of you, to give me any kind of logical argument for why anyone over the age of ten, with an IQ over 100, should like this film, let alone consider it “the greatest adolescent adventure film of all time,” as at least one critic has dubbed it.

Now, I’ll admit that I am lacking the one and only prerequisite for liking The Goonies: I never saw it as a kid. I know dozens of people who profess to love the film because they grew up with it. Most of them haven’t seen it since they were kids, but I guess that’s beside the point. The point is, I also never saw Labyrinth (1986) or The Princess Bride (1987) or The Neverending Story (1984) as a kid either, but I still love those movies now, after having seen them as an adult. Why? Because they’re actually good films.

The Goonies, on the other hand, has one good thing going for it: Chunk (Jeff Cohen). Perhaps the only worthwhile scene in the whole godforsaken film is Chunk’s tearful confession of causing a massive puke-fest, which would have been funnier if it were shown rather than merely described, a la Stand By Me (1986), an infinitely superior “adolescent adventure film.” Chunk’s other shining moment is, of course, the infamous “truffle shuffle,” a cheap joke at the expense of a fat kid that I would still rather watch for three hours than sit through the rest of the movie. Read More